Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I wish there were birth control emojis
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
