my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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