Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
