shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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