Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
