How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
