I didn't shave. On purpose
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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