i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
