I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
