remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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