he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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