And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
ttyl tear gas
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
