i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
