Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
