why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
