i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
