She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
