She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
