You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
