If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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