mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
50% drunk capacity currently
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
