This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
