Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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