If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
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