Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
