It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
