we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
