he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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