do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
