I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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