If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My pussy is not your playground.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
