i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
