My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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