Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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