so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
