Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
