dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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