What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
