I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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