I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
