Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
