I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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