Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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