well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
