I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
