I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
