Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
