Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
