Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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