PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
