I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
