whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
