the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
No more Irish car bombs ever.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Randomize
