i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
